how can u be prego again
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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