Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
