Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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