it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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