Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
