I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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