so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
