Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
