Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
