..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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