I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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