champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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