i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
