My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
