I like my sex mixed with concussions.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
