the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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