Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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