Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
