Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
