wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
