I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
