im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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