i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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