when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
