Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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