We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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