Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
