So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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