she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
