I'm sorry my penis didn't work
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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