Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize