just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
