it hurts more in the daytime
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
