i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am one with the molecules
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
