I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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