I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
