SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
