sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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