dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize