Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was like eating out sand paper
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
