We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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