Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The power of my boobs compel you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
