hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
