I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize