i permit you to call me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Who died my cat blue again?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize