You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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