I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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