I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Watching her eat just hurts me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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