I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
