No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize