its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
