So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize