Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
