I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
