Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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