How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
