I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
