R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
