I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
