i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
