farters have to be the big spoon...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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