Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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