Sry I called you an 8
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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