did you get engaged???
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
