puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
