there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
