thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
