I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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