you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
