dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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