I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
