Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize